1. The Expatriate Adventure:

Moving to a new country is an adventure in itself, but doing so while expecting or already having children requires a different kind of preparation. Settling into life in the UK involves understanding the local parenting culture, healthcare system, and education options. Research and networking become crucial tools to gain insight into what to expect and how to navigate the diverse landscape of parenting resources.

2. The Challenge of Distance:

One of the most significant adjustments for expat parents is the physical separation from their extended family. The absence of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can be keenly felt, especially during milestone moments and challenging times. Despite the distance, modern technology bridges the gap to some extent, enabling virtual interactions and updates that help maintain a sense of connection.

3. Building a Support Network:

Without the immediate presence of family, building a reliable support network becomes paramount. Engaging with local communities, parenting groups, and expat associations can lead to meaningful friendships and a circle of support. Expat parents often find solace in sharing experiences, advice, and encouragement with fellow parents who understand the unique circumstances they face.

4. Navigating the Healthcare System:

Understanding the UK’s healthcare system is vital, especially during pregnancy and in the early years of parenthood. Expats should familiarize themselves with the National Health Service (NHS), local clinics, and available maternity and pediatric services. Registering with a local GP and exploring options for private healthcare can provide a sense of security and ease when seeking medical assistance.

5. Balancing Work and Family:

For expat parents, the balance between work and family takes on added complexity. Adapting to the UK’s work culture and policies, such as maternity and paternity leave, is essential. Exploring flexible work arrangements, if feasible, can provide more time to spend with children and create a healthier work-life balance.

6. Embracing Cultural Diversity:

This offers a unique opportunity to expose children to diverse cultures and perspectives. Celebrating both their native culture and the culture of their host country fosters open-mindedness and adaptability in children. Engaging in local customs, festivals, and traditions provides a rich tapestry of experiences for the entire family.

7. Developing Resilience and Independence:

Parenting without the constant presence of family support encourages self-reliance and resourcefulness. Overcoming challenges independently fosters personal growth and a stronger sense of achievement. Children also learn resilience through observing their parents navigate unfamiliar situations, teaching them to adapt and thrive in diverse environments.

8. Celebrating Small Victories:

Parenting in a foreign country may not always be easy, but it’s important to celebrate even the smallest victories. From successfully managing a doctor’s appointment to organizing a birthday party without extended family, each accomplishment strengthens the sense of accomplishment and confidence in one’s parenting abilities.

9. Creating New Traditions:

Expat parents have the opportunity to create their own family traditions that blend elements of their culture and their host country’s culture. These new traditions can become cherished memories and unique bonding experiences for the entire family.

10. Finding Strength in Independence:

Parenting as without family support is a journey that demands resilience, adaptability, and courage. While challenges exist, the experience can lead to personal growth, a deepened sense of self, and a stronger family unit. Overcoming obstacles in a foreign land showcases the strength that comes from embracing parenthood on your own terms.

Embracing the adventure, building a strong support network, and fostering cultural diversity can lead to a fulfilling and enriching experience for both parents and children. While the absence of extended family may pose challenges, the journey ultimately cultivates resilience, independence, and a profound sense of accomplishment.

with love,
Rose

Photo by Nick Page on Unsplash

Firstly, even though pregnancy is typically considered to last around 39 weeks, if both baby and mom are healthy, remember that you have the right to wait until the 42nd week before taking any action and asking for induction. I believe it’s important for us to take control of our birthing experience and be actively involved in decision-making. By the way, speaking of the 39th week, apparently, it was a German doctor named Franz Karl Naegele who came up with this calculation. While childbirth seems to be women’s domain, men always find a way to get involved, don’t they? 😄 Anyway, I digress.

So, the contractions have started, signaling the onset of labor. At this point, the first thing you should do is… wait. Yes, seriously! If everything seems to be progressing normally and your contractions (I prefer to call them birthing waves because I don’t like negative terms) are coming every 10 minutes, you can go ahead and call the hospital where you plan to give birth. I say “wait” because if your contractions aren’t at a certain frequency, the hospital will likely tell you the same thing. If, like me, you’re experiencing vomiting and fatigue with each wave (which can happen rarely), it’s okay to call early to ensure the baby’s health. If your baby hasn’t arrived by the 40th to 42nd week, they may suggest inducing labor, but I can’t speak from experience on how that process goes afterward.

You’ve packed your hospital bag, maybe grabbed your pillow or exercise ball, and off you go to the hospital! After the initial checks, they’ll first assess your health and then proceed according to your birth plan. My plan was to have a water birth with a midwife, but due to a drop in my hemoglobin levels in the final weeks, I ended up having a hospital birth. Once you’re in the delivery room, you might have a midwife by your side constantly, with other midwives coming in regularly to check on you. Of course, you’ll also have your birth partner, mine was my husband. (In January 2022, due to COVID-19, only one person was allowed, hopefully, things have changed by the time you’re reading this.) I also had a doula supporting me over the phone. If you’re wondering what a doula is, I can include that in another post.

As labor progresses, the midwives will encourage you to move around, go to the toilet, and try different positions. Similarly, if your birth partner has received training or is knowledgeable about childbirth, they can assist you with these activities.

At every step and with every procedure, they’ll inform you first and then seek your consent. You have the right to ask any questions and object to anything you don’t want, and your birth partner is always involved in decision-making if you’ve discussed it beforehand. The hospital team will do their best to accommodate your birth plan. I only asked for gas as pain relief, and nobody even suggested epidurals or anything else during labor.

Once your baby is born healthy, they’ll be placed directly on your chest, and you’ll have a few hours alone with your family. During this time, both parents can have plenty of skin-to-skin contact with the baby. What I appreciated most was that they always asked for permission and consent for even the smallest procedure for the baby and never separated the baby from me for a single moment. Throughout the night, they come in at intervals to check on you and the baby. While you’re in the hospital, you can ask for support and information about breastfeeding from the midwives and ask them anything that’s on your mind.

Depending on the situation, you might stay in the hospital for 1 or 2 nights, maybe longer depending on the type of birth. After being discharged, three midwives and a health visitor will visit you within the first 2 weeks. If you need support with breastfeeding, they can also send a breastfeeding counselor to your home. One of the most helpful things for me during this process was having a breastfeeding counselor. Since my daughter lost slightly more weight than usual in the first week, they made an extra visit. After about a month, your relationship with the midwives and hospital ends, and you continue with your GP (similar to a family doctor). They’ll do a checkup for you and your baby at 6 weeks and then start dealing with vaccinations. Throughout the process, you can discuss anything with your GP, and if they’re not available, you can call 111 if it’s urgent. They’re pretty quick and responsive for babies under 2 years old, and they’re also quite fast and sensitive when it comes to admitting or referring to the emergency room (although sometimes you might need to exaggerate a bit—I think moms in the UK will understand that ;)).

Throughout this whole process, you might wonder where the dad fits in. The birthing system is so focused on the mother that the baby is considered primarily hers—I even had something written on my hospital wristband like “Gulistan Boylu’s baby.” Nobody asked about the dad even once 🙂

By the way, everyone from midwives to nurses to doctors was female, and I had a wonderful circle of women around me during childbirth. I feel lucky for everyone I met that day. I later found out that I gave birth in a hospital that has a UNICEF award for mother and baby care. As I conclude this post, I want to thank the midwife Anne who, although she will never see this post, changed the course of my birth experience. It’s no coincidence that her name means ‘mother’ in our language…

Note: Birth experiences can vary in different parts of the UK, and every birth is unique. What I’ve shared here is solely based on my personal experience.

Photo by Luma Pimentel on Unsplash